Oh yeah....

By the way all the bloodwork came back normal for DS and other first & second trimester tests! Woohoo! Thanks for the prayers on keeping baby healthy and safe, and keep them coming too!

Oh and Baby Earl is about the size of a bell pepper this week!

I'm having a baby!

A mother's joy begins when new life is stirring inside... when a tiny heartbeat is heard for the very first time, and a playful kick reminds her that she is never alone.

-Author Unknown


So very early on it was hard for me to believe that I was truly pregnant until that first ultrasound at 10 weeks. Even then I could only watch the heartbeat and see the baby inside of me moving around, with awe and disbelief. This blessing, this baby, is such a miracle. It is something I have wanted for so long, and for many years had to face the reality that it just might not happen for me.

Now, 18 weeks and 3 days into this pregnancy, its a different kind of awe and amazement I feel. I think I have felt baby moving twice now, quick light flutters. I never understood the saying "butterflies in my stomach" until now. I keep waiting to feel it more and really be sure it is the baby and not gas :)

I also find myself worrying more about what kind of mom I will be, how I will handle things, before I worried more about carrying to term and birth defects, etc. Don't get me wrong, I still worry about those too, but my worries have such increased and now include what happens when Baby Earl is born. I have decided, as for now, that to be the kind of mom that I want to be, that my mom raised me to be, I need to stay here in my home, with my job and really try to do this on my own. I am pretty darn independant, and have lived in this area now for fourteen years, moving back home with my folks (although I am so very grateful and feel fortunate to have that option), I feel should be my back up plan and not my go to plan. Especially if Earl is really a girl, (aka Earlina, per Snookie) I want to teach her to be strong and independant too. Of course I want to be closer to my parents and Bear & his family, I would love for Baby Earl to grow up close to Silas and the twins, and I know Tif would be so awesome to have at my side through this. But I have a good job, a great support network here of close friends and family; Auntie Sandy & Uncle Dann have always been at my side in a moments notice since I started at Seattle U - through multiple moves, court appointments, surgeries, you name it. I don't want to just walk away from the life I have built here, it wouldn't be fair to me or Baby Earl. And its not that I would feel ashamed or like a failure if I do move back to Spokane, even if I move in with my folks, I just don't want to regret not trying to make it work here on my own; just me and baby. Plus, I know that Mom, Dad, Bear, Tif, all of the family will be supportive no matter the distance or where we live.

But who knows what will happen once Baby Earl is in my arms. I just know I want to do what is best for her. This baby has changed my life, and looking back on the lifestyle I was leading before maybe she even saved me. What I do know for sure, is this baby is truly a blessing.

Let the countdown begin!

Just 3 more weeks to the 20 week ultrasound where we should get confirmation that Baby Earl is a girl! ALSO that means I will be halfway thorugh the pregnancy. I cant believe it! Its just so exciting!

So I went to Spokane for a quick visit, suprised my dad, Bear, Tiff & the kids, only my mom knew I was coming. I really needed some face to face time with my mom, she really is my closest friend in the whole world and she is definitely my biggest supporter and biggest fan. After a stressful week last week and not having seen her since February, I really just needed to be around her. My mom has that kind of genuine and caring spirit, it is healing just to be in her presence. And of course spending time with her makes me really think about moving to Spokane once the baby is here, becuase I would love for BE to have a special relationship with mom, for them to be as close as we are. But it isnt that simple, and moving to Spokane entials many other changes and not all of them so positive. Its just hard to imagine not sharing every moment of this baby with my mom, she is one of just a few people in this world who truly know me and who wholeheartedly understand just what this baby means to me.

I had a great time with the fam, and was so glad to see Bear and his gorgeous family. Silas and the twins grow up so much and change inbetween each and every visit....(pics on facebook!) Plus I got some really great stuff from Aunt Rosie for the baby, and for me - especially this super nice co-sleeper and a car seat!

So it was a fast weekend, and the drive was not horrible but definitley could tell the difference between non-preggers and preggers road tripping! LOL Other than a little sleepy, and a some heartburn though I feel great! Of course mom continues to make me smile and laugh, she sent an email this morning telling me she heard our song on the way to work and now we can share it with Baby Earl... I know Grammie didnt really like "our song", but she did enjoy a good laugh...besides it's not meant to me literal, but I do get my sense of humor from my mom and I hope that baby gets it too! :) For me, mom and Baby Earl:

Baby Bump and Blood Draw

Ok, fine. Here is a picture of my growing baby bump. I am 16.5 weeks, and to date have gained 8-9 lbs, (changes daily). I was big before, but had lost almost 30lbs before getting pregnant. 8lbs is not bad, though the midwives don't want me to gain more than an additional 7 lbs for the remainder of the pregnancy, so I am working hard to balance eating and exercise.



This morning we had the second trimester blood draw, it was quick and painless. The results will come via mail or phone within a week. I pray everything is normal and there is nothing to worry about.

16 weeks tomorrow...

Sometimes, I find myself in a daze, just sitting at home or work, or lying in bed thinking about this amazing thing happening in my body...I so get the fascination and habit of pregnant women rubbing their tummy's now. As my body continues to change and my belly is taking on a more rounded shape, I find myself doing the same - rubbing or holding my baby bump - wondering what Baby Earl will look like, and if it really is a girl will she have a similar sounding voice the way my mom and I do, will she be a bald-headed baby like I was until well after a year old, will I know if I have chosen the right name for her the first instant I hold her in my arms.... There is so much to think about. Plus I only have 24 weeks to get the house ready, decide where me and Baby Earl are going to live, pick a name... One plus of being a single mom as I prepare for baby is that I don't have to compromise on paint color or decorations, or names...lol.

One thing is for certain, all the books and blogs are right, I feel so much better now in the second trimester than I did the first 13 weeks. Before I was nauseous all the time, constantly tired and no energy. Now I am sleeping well but don't need as much, I have more energy to get things done and spend time with my friends, and in the last two weeks have maybe felt a little nauseous twice at most. And I feel so much more relaxed getting through that first trimester, I worry less about carrying to term, or all the things that could go wrong. Next week I have an appointment with a social worker to talk about child care options for when baby is here, and get an unbiased opinion on what will be the best choice for me and baby once she is here. I also have a second trimester blood draw, a follow up to the last one, but expecting that test to show no signs of down syndrome, T-Sachs or anything else to worry about just as the first blood tests showed.

Mostly I am just enjoying being pregnant, anticipating the arrival of this amazing baby that is all mine. I just cant wait to meet her, and at the same time being just 4 weeks from the halfway mark of pregnancy I am begining to think this is going too fast and I need to really enjoy this time with her growing inside of me. On Monday the doctor said Baby Earl weighed 4 ounces, not much but when I think back about 7 weeks ago she was the size of an olive, it is quite amazing how quickly this experience is going by. I am just so blessed, and so happy that I get to experience this.

And I cant wait to go to Spokane in 6 weeks, my parents, Papa, Barry and Tiff will be seeing the baby bump for the first time at 22 weeks - I wonder how it will be then, since I am already showing now. :) So exciting!

15 weeks 3 days to be exact....

Yesterday was my "viability" ultrasound, to detect Baby Earl's heartbeat... And it was a perfectly health 146 beats per minute. Yay!

Tracy was able to go with me, which was nice since I was a little nervous. Funny how the baby already has changed my modesty level, I don't think I have ever been that naked with Tracy sitting in the same room, lol and I just said "look away" as I peeled off the clothes and took position on the exam table.

I enter this state of awe and amazement when they perform an ultrasound and I am watching the baby on the screen, it is so surreal. Again, I was unable to laugh or cry, barely could even speak as I laid there with a huge grin on my face watching in amazement as this baby, inside of me, moved - constantly, seeing her hands, legs, arms, belly, head and face is so amazing.... and the heart beat, just flapping away so fast, it is mesmerizing.

The ultrasound technician asked if I wanted to know the sex if she could see it, I hadn't told Tracy this was a possibility since it is only 15 weeks. Of course I told her I wanted to know, everyone wants to know! :) And I had been convinced these last few weeks that it is a boy, so after spending quite a long time studying the screen and waiting for BE to stop "sitting" on his/her legs and feet, the legs moved and the technician announced "It's a girl!"

Of course the doctor who read the report said they cant confirm it until 20 weeks, at my next ultrasound, but the technician said she was confident of the reading. Either way, I am happy, the doctor said that everything is "picture perfect" - the baby, my cervix, the placenta, uterus... all look great. He also said that baby measured 15 weeks 2 days but that wasn't enough of a change to move the due date, so we are still looking at 8/31/10.

Needless to say the news that Baby Earl is a girl was amazing, and yes I understand it could be wrong and could change in 5 weeks at the next ultrasound. I am just happy that the baby is growing at the rate it should be, the heart beat is strong and it looks as though I am healthy and able to carry to term. It just blows my mind! And now, knowing the sex makes this miracle even more real. :) And let the records show my Mom was right about the sex, as she would tell you she is always right - just like Papa. :)

14 weeks 3 days

Yesterday I went to see the midwife, 2nd appointment....

1. My pap showed a low grade of abnormal cells but HPV test was negative so that is very good, but need to have another pap in one year. This was such a relief since I have a long history of battling high grade pre-cancerous cerivical cells. While I am not of of the woods yet, becuase the LEEP and other procedures I have had in the past may have built up scar tissue that prevents a natural child birth, this is awesome news for both me and Baby right now.

2. Of course they are worried about my weight and don’t want me to gain any more than a few more pounds for the remaining 26 weeks, I was advised to walk 4-5 days a week for 40 minutes, and start a prenatal water exercise class and a whole bunch of food suggestions. Being overweight and pregnant does have some added potential complications. But I aam just going to continue to eat ealthy, stay as active as possible and do everything I can to keep us both healthy.

3. They couldn’t get a clear sound of Baby Earl’s heartbeat – at the midwife center they only use a Doppler heat monitor they don’t due ultrasounds on site, which is a little concerning to me, but the midwife Amy said it could be becuase I am "thick" or baby is just moving to much, she said not to worry since she could feel my uterus was definately enlarged and had grown since my last appointment. Since they couldn’t hear it with their equipment, they scheduled an ultrasound on Monday at 11:15 to make sure the heart beat is what it should be.

4. My next midwife appointment is in 6 weeks, April 14th and the Ultrasound place will be calling me to schedule my 20 week ultrasound (find out the sex at this one) probably will be on April 9th or 12th. After the 14th, my midwife appointments go to every 4 weeks which means, I should be able to take my mom and dad ( who will be in for Snookie's graduation from college!) to the following appointment on May 10th, if they let me go a couple days early - which is very exciting.

All in all, I am feeling pretty good. Obviously I am a little concerned and bummed about the heart beat, so I just have to be strong and stay positive that Baby Earl is fine and wait out the weekend. And of course it never feels good to be scolded for being so overweight so that is kind of a downer, but I am really happy all my other blood work, pap smear and blood pressure are perfect.

The due date is now officially 8/31/10, which puts me at 14 weeks 3 days as of today.