No GD!

Test results came back - well technically the Midwives never called so I went back to the hospital and picked up the results in person.

No gestational diabetes. In fact, all four blood draws showed my sugar levels to be well under the norm from 10-20+ points. So me and Baby Earl are diabetes free!



All I can think now is that horrible midwife who was so rude to me last week can kiss my overweight butt! She seemed so sure that I would have GD, what a hater. Now I need to decide if I want to change doctors or just not schedule appointments with her.

Everything will be fine...

Papa is doing good, he had a minor surgery today and it went well. (Thank you Dad & Auntie Punkin for taking the day off to be with him!) Thank you Jesus! Even though it was minor, it is hard not to worry about Papa.



Ok, so I am turning into a worry wort. Isnt that part of being a mom? Or maybe that is my Toulou side coming out more as I get older :). Either way, I know I just need to give my worries up to God, and everything will be okay; Papa, Baby Earl and even me.

God our Father, walk through my house and take away all my worries and illnesses and please watch over and heal my family in Jesus name, Amen.

Staying positive...

Ok, so as a new/soon-to-be mom its hard not to worry. Worry what kind of mom you will be, how labor will go, if you will carry to term, etc... It's already a normal everyday thing for me to worry about Baby Earl and she is not even in my arms yet. But worry causes stress, and is not a solution to anything really. So what are you to do as a mom? Pray, stay positive, and do everything in your power to take care of your child.

This is me trying to stay positive and not worry, hard to do at 26 weeks when you are full of hormones and your first reaction to everything is to cry and worry. But the gestational diabetes test came back high, and I have to have a second screening on Thursday. Now logically I know this can happen to any expecting mother, and logically I know that most babies are delivered healthy as long as the expecting mom controls her diet and exercises regularly. And logically I knew even going in for this test that I was at high risk because I am obese, I am Native American and because of the strong family history of diabetes - 3 out of 4 high risk factors actually.

But I still had hoped this test would be normal, and as soon as I saw the number on my caller ID when the nurse from the Midwives office called I was already teary. It's more than just the worry though, because against all logic you feel responsible, guilty, and embarrassed. For the first time in 31 years my being fat is directly effecting someone else, someone other than me, someone I love more than I ever knew it was possible to love someone else. I thought I was doing well with my pregnancy, eating healthy and staying active but I'm not. The reality is that its not ok for me to have treats like ice cream and root beer, not even occasionally. The damage that GD can have on Baby Earl is anything from jaundice to respiratory distress syndrome to seizures to type 2 diabetes, and its hard not to wonder if I had only not indulged myself the last 6 months, or 30 years really, if I could have prevented myself from putting her in this risk.

So ok, I cried about it, still worried, beat myself up, now it's just time to change, to control what I can and do everything in my power to control this from affecting Baby Earl adversely. It's another lifestyle change, but again there is nothing I wont do for this baby. So time to stop whining and just do. Thursday I will take the second screening to know if this is controllable by diet and exercises or if I will be insulin dependant. I had feared for so long because of the family history and my weight that I would have diabetes, I just didn't think it would happen when I finally get my miracle, and now I am 25% more likely to develop type 2 diabetes after she is born. But the reality is this is controllable, and it is not the worse thing that could happen to Baby Earl or to me. She is otherwise healthy and I thank God for that and that is what I choose to focus on. Thank you for your continued prayers for both of us, especially for my strength to stay positive.

25 weeks 6 days & Met the first midwife I didn't like....

Ok, so the important stuff first...Here are the ultrasound pictures from the 5/7 ultrasound, 23 weeks 6 days...this was the appointment my parents got to come to, baby slept through the whole thing but they did get to see her and hear her heartbeat. It was so awesome to have them there.







As of the ultrasound, baby was healthy, growing well, her spine looked good and she is in the 74th percentile so the doctor said if I carry her full term she will be about 8lbs at birth.


Today, I went to the Midwifes for the gestational diabetes test and a regular check-up. Each time I go I see one of the 5 or 6 different midwifes - whoever is on the day of the appointment. Today I met with a new one, and I just didn't like her. She was not real warm, and I felt judged. Mostly she talked about how overweight I am, that I really should not gain another pound during the pregnancy becuase I have gained all that I should - "though I don't know how you can do that", she advised I exercise 30-45 min every day, and walk for 30min after each meal (which my college education says that is 120-135 of exercise a day) eating lean protein and little to no carbs, no sugars and really eat as much fresh food because "cooking just adds calories". Then when we started talking about a birthing plan and labor to which I got the "women have been having babies for thousands of years without pain medication, epidurals only stall labor and with your size it makes it that much harder on you and us for you to even move or turn over" speech. And she didn't read the chart well enough or forgot about my breast reduction, so immediately started talking about breast feeding and classes, when I have been told since I was 16 that I will not be able to breast feed. (She did talk about a system using a tube from your shoulder down to your nipple, so baby is feeding on the tube and your boob - to get the experience of breast feeding - though at that point I wasn't really impressed with her and will have to look into this more on my own.)

Needless to say, I left the appointment feeling really horrible about my weight and like a wuss for being worried about the pain of labor and wanting to have pain medication available. I have been working to keep the weight gain down, and her tone and bedside manner made me feel like I am lazy and not trying hard enough. Which of course I can do more, and try harder but it is not easy and putting me down is not really motivating either. I have been thinking since I left the appointment that maybe midwives were not the best option for me, maybe I need to switch. I just know I don't want to see her again. At least the other women are more positive and supportive when they tell me how overweight I am, they are encouraging and offer helpful, practical advice. Maybe it was just her tone. I am pretty tough skinned about the weight issue, I mean c'mon I have been fat all my life this is not something new I am hearing from doctors - but her delivery was less than I think I have a right to expect from the midwives.

So on top of having to drink that icky drink and being anxious about the results of the diabetes test - which wont come in until Monday, she actually managed to make me feel the worst about my weight that I have felt the entire pregnancy. If I wasn't at work, I would probably be crying.

Next step? Guess I will just work harder to cut calories and exercise more. I guess its possible to lose weight as the baby grows in the last trimester, and still get baby girl what she needs to grow. Time to do some online research. But as far as delivery goes, if I need pain medication I will ask for it, I just don't see the shame in that.

As for today, I choose to just focus on the fact that Baby Earl is healthy, I did get to hear her little heart beating this morning, and I am glad it is Friday.

Almost 24 weeks!

Oops, guess I have gotten a little behind… well almost at 24 weeks now… which means just about 16 weeks until Baby Earl is here!



I had a wonderful baby shower at Mom’s on April 24th. Many family members and close friends came, no silly games, just visiting and oh the presents… 2 diaper cakes – different sized diapers, clothes, a monitor, books, a Pendleton, gift cards and more. It was so fun and exciting to open all the presents and think about the sweet little baby that would soon be wearing them. (Pictures to come soon!) That trip to Spokane was also eventful as mom had her gastric bypass surgery, though there was a scare due to a latex exposure after the surgery, the operation itself went perfectly and mom was home in resting in 24 hours. And Baby Earl made her debut in my tummy as far as movement that weekend, and has not stopped moving since! Here is a video of dad falling asleep in the chair as mom recovers after surgery, I couldn’t help but record it!



The feeling of her moving inside me is indescribable to anyone who hasn’t felt it. It started out that weekend at 22 weeks as light flutters maybe once or twice a day and in the last couple of weeks is already more noticeable and more frequent. According to the book she is about 8.5” from head to bum and about 1.5 lbs. So she does account for at least some of my weight gain the last 2 weeks, though I know I can’t blame her for all of it. I am hungry all the time, and continuing to work on making good food choices and stay moving so that I don’t balloon up, but some days it is hard to pass up Taco Time or McD’s for lunch. As far as my body goes, in the last week I have definitely felt some changes and there is no hiding that there is a baby under there. So with my mom’s encouragement I continue to focus on keeping me and baby girl healthy, and not so much on what the scale says.

I have been thinking a lot about not only how much my life has changed in the last 23 weeks, but how much it will change once baby is here. Especially after seeing that silly rom-com, The Back-up Plan. Being a single mom is not going to be easy but I have such a great family, all of whom support me in so many ways, I am not scared. I have had good and bad relationships in the past, and dated for years but never met someone I really could see spending my life with and I am okay with that. If it happens great, but if not, how could I complain when I have the one thing I always wanted more than anything in life – a baby. Sure as girl growing up I thought about getting married and what my wedding would look like, but it wasn’t ever a must for me, not in the way having a baby was. And as I got older, it wasn’t a wedding that I could imagine in detail or what I longed for, it was being a mom. The idea of not being married was never really something I was concerned about, it was the not being able to have children that I could never really come to terms with or accept…. For years just thinking of it would send me into a depression, and in the last year or so I really had started to think adoption would be my answer and was just learning to accept that solution when Baby Earl came along. So yeah, it is kinda scary to get something so huge that you wanted so badly for so long, and I think that is why it is still hard sometimes to accept that it is finally here. I am just so looking forward to raising this little girl, to our life together, and for me I just couldn’t ask for more.

Tomorrow, Friday 5/7, is another ultrasound and this time – Mom and Dad get to come! They are bringing all the gifts from the baby shower, including a changing table Uncle Johnny is loaning us, so next weekend I am working on Baby Earl’s room. Also Papa and Auntie Punkin fly in tomorrow and Saturday we get to go to Alexa’s graduation from Northwestern University. It is going to be an awesome weekend!


Thank you, thank you, thank you to mom and dad for the shower and to everyone who came!