Ok, so as a new/soon-to-be mom its hard not to worry. Worry what kind of mom you will be, how labor will go, if you will carry to term, etc... It's already a normal everyday thing for me to worry about Baby Earl and she is not even in my arms yet. But worry causes stress, and is not a solution to anything really. So what are you to do as a mom? Pray, stay positive, and do everything in your power to take care of your child.
This is me trying to stay positive and not worry, hard to do at 26 weeks when you are full of hormones and your first reaction to everything is to cry and worry. But the gestational diabetes test came back high, and I have to have a second screening on Thursday. Now logically I know this can happen to any expecting mother, and logically I know that most babies are delivered healthy as long as the expecting mom controls her diet and exercises regularly. And logically I knew even going in for this test that I was at high risk because I am obese, I am Native American and because of the strong family history of diabetes - 3 out of 4 high risk factors actually.
But I still had hoped this test would be normal, and as soon as I saw the number on my caller ID when the nurse from the Midwives office called I was already teary. It's more than just the worry though, because against all logic you feel responsible, guilty, and embarrassed. For the first time in 31 years my being fat is directly effecting someone else, someone other than me, someone I love more than I ever knew it was possible to love someone else. I thought I was doing well with my pregnancy, eating healthy and staying active but I'm not. The reality is that its not ok for me to have treats like ice cream and root beer, not even occasionally. The damage that GD can have on Baby Earl is anything from jaundice to respiratory distress syndrome to seizures to type 2 diabetes, and its hard not to wonder if I had only not indulged myself the last 6 months, or 30 years really, if I could have prevented myself from putting her in this risk.
So ok, I cried about it, still worried, beat myself up, now it's just time to change, to control what I can and do everything in my power to control this from affecting Baby Earl adversely. It's another lifestyle change, but again there is nothing I wont do for this baby. So time to stop whining and just do. Thursday I will take the second screening to know if this is controllable by diet and exercises or if I will be insulin dependant. I had feared for so long because of the family history and my weight that I would have diabetes, I just didn't think it would happen when I finally get my miracle, and now I am 25% more likely to develop type 2 diabetes after she is born. But the reality is this is controllable, and it is not the worse thing that could happen to Baby Earl or to me. She is otherwise healthy and I thank God for that and that is what I choose to focus on. Thank you for your continued prayers for both of us, especially for my strength to stay positive.
You are a great mommy. I know that you "know" all of the the right explanations, as you said, but truthfully, all of this stress is just the beginning of child raising! As moms, we REALLY need to discover what it means to "not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in CHrist Jesus."Phillipians 4:6-7
ReplyDeleteIt's something I have to work on daily. Love ya!