As of the ultrasound, baby was healthy, growing well, her spine looked good and she is in the 74th percentile so the doctor said if I carry her full term she will be about 8lbs at birth.
Today, I went to the Midwifes for the gestational diabetes test and a regular check-up. Each time I go I see one of the 5 or 6 different midwifes - whoever is on the day of the appointment. Today I met with a new one, and I just didn't like her. She was not real warm, and I felt judged. Mostly she talked about how overweight I am, that I really should not gain another pound during the pregnancy becuase I have gained all that I should - "though I don't know how you can do that", she advised I exercise 30-45 min every day, and walk for 30min after each meal (which my college education says that is 120-135 of exercise a day) eating lean protein and little to no carbs, no sugars and really eat as much fresh food because "cooking just adds calories". Then when we started talking about a birthing plan and labor to which I got the "women have been having babies for thousands of years without pain medication, epidurals only stall labor and with your size it makes it that much harder on you and us for you to even move or turn over" speech. And she didn't read the chart well enough or forgot about my breast reduction, so immediately started talking about breast feeding and classes, when I have been told since I was 16 that I will not be able to breast feed. (She did talk about a system using a tube from your shoulder down to your nipple, so baby is feeding on the tube and your boob - to get the experience of breast feeding - though at that point I wasn't really impressed with her and will have to look into this more on my own.)
Needless to say, I left the appointment feeling really horrible about my weight and like a wuss for being worried about the pain of labor and wanting to have pain medication available. I have been working to keep the weight gain down, and her tone and bedside manner made me feel like I am lazy and not trying hard enough. Which of course I can do more, and try harder but it is not easy and putting me down is not really motivating either. I have been thinking since I left the appointment that maybe midwives were not the best option for me, maybe I need to switch. I just know I don't want to see her again. At least the other women are more positive and supportive when they tell me how overweight I am, they are encouraging and offer helpful, practical advice. Maybe it was just her tone. I am pretty tough skinned about the weight issue, I mean c'mon I have been fat all my life this is not something new I am hearing from doctors - but her delivery was less than I think I have a right to expect from the midwives.
So on top of having to drink that icky drink and being anxious about the results of the diabetes test - which wont come in until Monday, she actually managed to make me feel the worst about my weight that I have felt the entire pregnancy. If I wasn't at work, I would probably be crying.
Next step? Guess I will just work harder to cut calories and exercise more. I guess its possible to lose weight as the baby grows in the last trimester, and still get baby girl what she needs to grow. Time to do some online research. But as far as delivery goes, if I need pain medication I will ask for it, I just don't see the shame in that.
As for today, I choose to just focus on the fact that Baby Earl is healthy, I did get to hear her little heart beating this morning, and I am glad it is Friday.
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