As my first trimester comes to an end (13 weeks and 1 day today), I am consumed with thoughts of Baby Earl all day. I think about what to do when he/she is born; do I stay and put baby in day care or move to Spokane and live with family so I have more time at home with baby, I wonder what sex Baby Earl will be and can't help but giggle thinking the nick name Earl will be even sillier if it is a girl, and of course I cant help but worry and wonder how things will be when he/she is here in my arms. Being a sinle mom does not scare me, but like all first time moms sometimes I worry that I will be a good mom to this wonderful baby, will I be able to handle everything from day one to eighteen years old and beyond....I worry that I will make the right chouices today, tomorrow and ten years from now because my choices effect more than just me now, I am creating Baby Earl's life with every choice I make even now.
Sometimes it is overwhelming, sometimes I am more confident. And when I am feeling less confident of my chocies or even overwhelmed then I think of my mom, Grammie, my aunts, Tif - I think of all the wonderful women in my life who are great moms and I know I am not really doing this alone. Especially when I think of my mom, I feel so much better about having Baby Earl because she is so wonderful and all I have to do is try to be like her, and love my baby the way she has always loved me. My mom was 21 when she had me as as single parent, and it was her mom, dad and family that helped her though everything - just the way my mom, dad and family are supporting me now. Knowing how much love and support I have, helps me feel less overwhelmed, and lets me focus on just enjoying this amazing blessing.
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